35 Clever And Comedic Tweets That Will Just Speak To Your Soul

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Meeeeesh
Dec 13, 2018 6:00 PM EST

We gathered up these wonderfully witty tweets just for you. You're welcome.

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  • 01
    funny tweet - Text - Caitlin Follow @caithuls A show called The Voice but it's just the one in my head and let me tell you, the ratings, they are not great
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  • 02
    funny tweet - Text - Olly iConic @OllyiConic Follow 90s kids will remember their parents falsely accusing them of having potential
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  • 03
    funny tweet - Text - The Dad Follow THE DAD @thedad Me: your ears are inside out My dog: you don't have to shout I can hear you very clearly for some reason
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  • 04
    funny tweet - Text - Matt Kirshen Follow @mattkirshen Mansplaining is short for man explaining
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  • 05
    funny tweet - Text - L BOTTOMTeXT Follow _ericcurtin having a gender reveal party tomorrow for the hamster i just got at petco. nothin crazy just gonna flip it over and see if it has a d k or whatever
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  • 06
    funny tweet - Text - Danny Zuker Follow @DannyZuker I'm constantly amazed at how different my twin daughters are. Lisa is so much more positive & confident than her sister Hog Face
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  • 07
    funny tweet - Text - brent Following @murrman5 we'll miss everything about brent except his pranks they were the worst [hears everyone at my funeral agree and I shift nervously in casket]
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  • 08
    funny tweet - Text - That's my secret, l'm always tired @vixy Follow Things we didn't do: start the fire light it shoot the deputy Things we did: tried to fight it shot the sheriff built this city on rock and roll Things we will do: rock you
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  • 09
    funny tweet - Text - fungbunger @parsfarce Follow me: thanks for the feedback. Really valuable!!! coworker: no problem! [coworker gets text at 3aml who teh f u thgink u r gk do
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  • 10
    funny tweet - Text - Mike Primavera Follow @primawesome My favorite part of football is when they get together and tell secrets before each play.
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  • 11
    funny tweet - Text - Llama In A Tux Follow @LlamalnaTux Reasons I want to become a figure skater: 1. Get to hold hands with a girl
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  • 12
    funny tweet - Text - ceej Following @ceejoyner Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
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  • 13
    funny tweet - Text - Not Sara Follow @smithsara79 I got banned from teaching Sunday school after I refused to stop referring to Jesus' baptism as "John dunking on Jesus"
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  • 14
    funny tweet - Text - madds Follow @whatmaddness The problem with a full 8 hours of sleep is that you wake up with a clear head and a greater understanding of exactly how terrible everything is.
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  • 15
    funny tweet - Text - Josh Follow @iwearaonesie How people watch movies when they're: DATING *hold hands* ENGAGED *cuddle* MARRIED *one person turns the volume up when l'm choking on a piece of popcorn*
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  • 16
    funny tweet - Text - Ally Gator Follow @notacroc [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti] ME: "hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti
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  • 17
    funny tweet - Text - Tracie Tom Follow @tracietom If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, maybe that's where your kid should be practicing the trumpet.
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  • 18
    funny tweet - Text - Brooks Otterlake Following @_ZZzzzz Dude you need to stop getting me so excited or else I won't let you babysit me again. It's my bedtime and I need to settle down bro
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  • 19
    funny tweet - Text - kim christmas Follow @KimmyMonte my pug has 4 beds and takes medicine for a thyroid condition just like his wolf ancestors
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  • 20
    funny tweet - Text - Abam Follow @AdamBroud [Hospital] Me: It's gonna be okay. *points up to the sky* That's where you're going when you die Stepdad: *looks out the window to see a plane writing "burn in hell, Gerald" Me: "tears in eyes* That cost a ton of money, but I just hate you so much
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  • 21
    funny tweet - Text - DestryTM @DestryBrod Follow To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue. The profanity wasn't necessary but thank you for not siccing him on me.
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  • 22
    funny tweet - Text - Rads Follow @FeelingEuphoric ME: I would like to buy a bond STOCKBROKER: ok! which bond are you interested in? ME: one with my dad
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  • 23
    funny tweet - Text - Viktor Winetrout Follow @Cpin42 NOT EVERYONE WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, MOM. SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO BREAK IT UP.
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  • 24
    funny tweet - Text - ryan Follow @ryanyeetz man you guys see the new nfl rule they're implementing next season that's really gonna shake things up- ok fellas the girls stopped reading this tweet did you guys cry after watching bridge to terabithia be honest
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  • 25
    funny tweet - Text - Lego Joseph Smith @Mormonger Follow Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
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  • 26
    funny tweet - Text - The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble Follow ME: I can't believe he ruined my life. THERAPIST: Who? ME: "points at myself This idiot
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  • 27
    funny tweet - Text - Sarah Shockey Follow @sarahjoyshockey I periodically look up from my desk with a little smile in case someone is filming sitcom credits
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  • 28
    funny tweet - Text - Fun-loving Nihilist @muyrando Follow job interview* Wonka: Any questions? Oompa Loompa: So we just go out and start singing whenever a kid dies?
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  • 29
    funny tweet - Text - Lindsay Follow @Rollinintheseat Roll up to the club, like "These stairs are in violation of Section 4.9 of the Americans with Disabilities Act."
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  • 30
    funny tweet - Text - Jon Follow @ArfMeasures Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat*
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  • 31
    funny tweet - Text - Marf Follow @MarfSalvador son: [kicking pile of leaves] yaaaaaay! me: [also kicking pile of leaves] yaaaaaay! wife: my salad!
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  • 32
    funny tweet - Text - Juggalocialism Follow @UWeBollocks I see everyone talking about Jesus Christ Superstar. Well kids, I'm here to tell you about the original superstar. His name was Jesus Chr---wait
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  • 33
    funny tweet - Text - Elvish Presley @_ElvishPresley Follow Bruce Wayne: hey, how would you like to take a ride in my batmobi-l mean... brucemobile? Date: uhh Bruce: my regular normal carmobile
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  • 34
    funny tweet - Text - Splendid Hobo @Hobo_Splendido Follow [pushing my way through the crowd during the miracle of the loaves and fishes until I'm in Jesus' presence] "I'm vegan"
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  • 35
    funny tweet - Text - Mark Agee Follow @MarkAgee After owning a dog for a month I'm here to tell you that John Wick is the story of the world's most restrained person who sees their dog murdered
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